Learning to Let Love Flow Through Conflict
I had an argument with my wife today. Of course, I was 100% in the right. :) But that's not what I want to share…
Five minutes after walking away from the argument, I sat down to attempt to get back into "work-mode," and these are the first words that rushed to mind:
I love her.
What in the world??
Honestly, I'm not trying to turn this into some kind of lesson here. I'm literallysitting here wondering why those words are the clearest signal inside me right now. I was furious just a few minutes ago. I'm certain that if she came into the room right now I'd be right back into it with her.
So, I have some questions. I'm going to write them here. Then, I'm going to allow space for answers to come, if there are any. I'm doing this for myself, but I'm also sharing it with a hunch that it might also be for you…
Question 1: Why is "I love her" the clearest signal inside me right now? Where is this signal coming from?
Question 2: Where was this signal a few minutes ago when we were in the same room?
Question 3: This is a new experience. In the past, I've had this kind of thought/feeling after the clouds have parted, maybe a few hours or days after an argument… what does it mean when it comes up right in the middle of things like this?
Okay. I'm going to allow intuition to speak to me here. Maybe it will speak to you as well…
Answer 1: This signal is love. It's coming from your heart. It's deeper than the anger you feel. And more true. It's how you really feel--a deeper expression of who you really are. This is important to remember, because it means that you can trust it.
Answer 2: This signal was here a few minutes ago as well, but it was covered by the noise of your insecurity. As you continue to mature, the noise will fade while your deeper, truer voice is still here, as it always has been. A day will come when there is nothing anyone can say to cause your inner noise. Until then, it's important to remember that you create the noise that drowns out love.
Answer 3: For many people, the noise never fades enough to hear their deeper, truer voice. You used to hear this deeper voice once in a while, when the clouds parted; now you're starting to hear it through the clouds; eventually, you'll hear it right in the middle of the storm, clear as day.
This leads me to more questions…
Question 4: Why? Why is this change happening in me?
Answer 4: You're doing the work. You're practicing daily letting go of the "holds," clearing a path for life to flow through you freely. You used to be almost completely stopped up. Now the water is starting to flow. Expect more, but maybe nothing as profound as love piercing the darkness inside and around you.
Question 5: What now? It seems like my next step is to help this signal make its way to my wife. But if I go into the same room, the noise will just flare back up. I'll lose myself in the noise again, and it won't do her any good.
Answer 5: Everything takes practice.