When Overwhelmed, Float
During Olivia's life, there were many days that felt completely overwhelming. For a while, I did what I had always done: I pushed through. I tried harder. I ignored the little red light going off in my head. Mind over matter.
Maybe it was simply too much to push through, or perhaps I was getting too old to push the way I used to. But that which had seemed to work in the past β pushing β was no longer working for me.
Eight years later, pushing still doesn't work for me. So I've decided to find a better way:
Instead of pushing through challenging moments, days, or seasons, I can float.
There were so many days during Olivia's life when Heather and I would say to each other, "I am just going to have to float through this day."
Each time I said that sentence, a surprising wave of relief flooded my heart.
At the beginning of the sentence, I believed I was "tagging out," or "phoning it in." At best, my hope was to survive.
As soon as the words had left my mouth, I was flooded with a sense of power and strength.
"Just floating" turned out to be more than a sacrifice or a way to get through a day; floating became a way to live β more fully, more connected, more powerfully β on any day.
Floating is not giving up. Floating is not weak. Floating is not short-sighted.
It would be... if there were no current. But there is a current β a current far more powerful than any amount of my own pushing will ever be.
Floating is not just an alternative to pushing or being overwhelmed; it is how we can live connected with life's flow and power β a way of life.
Floating is letting go of a limited, isolated and underpowered life. It is cooperating with the infinite and benevolent flow of life, love, compassion, resource, and support.
Floating is the difference between walking alone and living connected.
Floating is our most effective, most powerful way to be fully alive.
For me, what began as a coping mechanism β a necessary alternative to pushing through overwhelm, or being crushed by it βΒ has become a way of life.
Floating was not how I got through Olivia's life; it was how I was able to remain present and open for it βΒ to not miss my daughter's life.
And floating is how I am able to be present and open today βΒ to not miss my own life.
But how do we float? Seems like the next logical question. Thankfully, I don't have to come up with an answer...
We are floating already.
The only shift needed is in our attention.
The problem is not that we aren't floating β if that were true, we would have already drowned.
The problem is that we don't know β or feel β that we are floating. If we did, we could stop trying so hard. We could stop holding on so tightly. We could stop pushing.
My fear is that if I stop, I'll sink. If there were no current, that would be true.
But there is a current. And it has me. And it has you. We are safe to let go. Right now. Try it. You will not drown.
It is not about how to float; it is about how to notice that we are floating. The only way I can think of to do that is simply to pay attention...
Notice that in this very moment, if you decide to let go of everything β even your very breath β you will be carried. Your body will be breathed for you. Life will continue to flow through you.
Let go a little more and you will find deeper strength, and deeper presence.
It is not your job to push through this day, no matter how overwhelming it may feel.
Let go, and see that not only do you not sink β you will flow, faster, more freely, effortlessly. Like flying.