It's Safe to Let Go
I often lead a breath exploration, where participants are encouraged to let go of control of the breath, and to watch the way that their breathing not only doesnāt stop, but it deepens.
Iāve been able to lead this all over the country now, and every time I do someone comes up to me and shares some profound way that it helped them. One woman said that her chronic full-body pain went away for the first time in years. One person told me their tears of anger changed to tears of sadness and healing. Less-dramatic feedback I hear all the time: āmy shoulders dropped an inch.ā
All of the feedback points to the same thing: when we let go, we donāt die.
The fact that this is such a profound realization for so many people points to another thing: many of us are living with an underlying belief that if we donāt stay diligent, weāre in big trouble. Even as you just read that, something in you may have agreed. But itās not true, and this simple exploration points to what is.
If you havenāt tried the exploration, you can try it now. Thereās a 20-minute video walk-through here, but you can do a simple version of it like this: just let go of your breathing and watch the way your body respondsā¦ Did you die? What happened?
To me, this isnāt a ābreathing exercise.ā Itās a life-lesson, taught by the most fundamental and foundational part of us.
Over 90% of modern culture is in a habitual state of shallow breathing. We are resisting the autonomic nature of the breath, and exerting our effort instead.
Itās part of a fight-or-flight response. Most of us are stuck in it. And everything ā our thinking, our body, our speech, our interaction with others ā is infused with the quality of it.
Addictions to alcohol, internet, over-working, emotional drama, pick-your-poison,Ā are our attempts to escape or avoid it.
I keep saying āitā ā I want to give āitā a name. This is not necessarily the most accurate name, but a very helpful label for āitā could be: closing.
When I let go, something in me is afraid Iāll die. So I hold on. I grip. Instead of opening my hand ā or my shoulders, or my neck, or my lower back, or my heart, or my eyes, or my_self_ ā I close.
I close.
Thatās the problem weāre all trying to solve. And most of us are trying to solve it in a completely backwards way.
Iām afraid, so I work harder. I move faster. I focus. I try, try, tryā¦ my methods for solving my closedness are driving me deeper into closednessā¦
A room of people letting go of their breath is one of the most beautiful things in the world. They are all looking at something ā a belief, held by themselves and so many in our world today. They are questioning it. If I let go, will I really die? And then they are taking courage ā to test it. They let go. And what do they find? Not only do they not die, but their breath goes deeper. Without their effort.
Weāve been running in the wrong direction because weāve been believing a lie.
It is safe to let go.
Iām finding in my own life that this is about much more than oxygen and lungs and diaphragms and shoulder muscles.
The quality of letting go is more important than the action of letting go. The quality of letting go is trust.
When a child feels safe, it plays. The child is open.
When the child senses danger, it stops playing. It closes.
When the child no longer senses danger, it goes back to play.
This is our design, and itās good. It keeps the rattlesnakes out, and lets the good things in.
But we can get stuck in a closed state. Many of us have. Statistically, most of us have. It can be measured by the range of motion of the diaphragm. And often by chronic pain and disease. But it can also be measured by what we sense inside ourselves.
We can tell when weāre stuck closed. Thatās why we over-drink. Or over-work. Or doom scroll. Or dramatize. These are ways we try to get ourselves open again, or at least dull the pain and strain of our tight grip. But they donāt work ā they only drive us deeper into closedness.
If weāre truly in danger ā not figuratively but literally, like thereās a rattlesnake in the room ā then we should be closed. Closed is good.
But if the threat has gone and weāre still closed, our life is being limited and constricted for nothing.
So what to do? I know what doesnāt work, from plenty of experience. Thinking about all of this, or trying to think differently doesnāt help. Thinking is what has driven us in; more thinking wonāt pull us out.
What I do believe helps (and have experienced) is letting goā¦
You can try the breathing exploration. Just that can make a huge difference. But you donāt have to stop there. The thing you do when you let go of your breath āĀ that inner release of your āgripā ā you can do that when a certain text from a certain person comes through, or you see a certain headline, or a certain thought comes to mindā¦ all the things that used to close you can become opportunities for you to practice the inner quality of letting go. Then problems are no longer problems ā theyāre invitations.
We are being invited back. Back to our playing, wondering, creating, laughing, exploring selfā¦ that child is still there. It may have been locked away, while weāve been trying to make it safe, but Iām here to tell you: itās safe. Itās safe to come out. To come back. To be here. Where you are. You are safe. Can you feel that? Can you let that feeling spread across your whole body? Can you let it spread across your whole day?
This takes a lot of practice. It took a lot of practice to get ourselves in our current state, and it will take a lot of practice to get ourselves back out. But itās worth it. Probably more than anything else, it is worth it. Because as we re-open, we donāt just save ourselves āĀ we save each other.
You are a conduit. You are meant to be open, because LIFE, joy, creativity, LOVE is meant to flow through you, freely.
Open the floodgates. You donāt need to pry them wide open. A tiny movement at a time is a huge success. You will feel it. So will everyone around you. So just start here, where you are. Start with your breath, and trust it to lead to the rest.