Problems Are Not the Problem
Last fall, after having worked myself to the bone on a single problem for several years straight, I hit a wall.
I finally realized that I’d tried everything, and nothing had worked.
And I felt strangely good.
I felt more free than I had in years. Because, even though my problem still wasn't solved, at least I was no longer carrying the added shame of being at fault for things not working out.
...
Imagine the biggest problem you're grappling with. Now imagine that someone you trust comes to you and says without a shadow of a doubt, "you've done everything you can do — you cannot and will not solve this problem."
Does that feel more stressful, or less?
For me, the stress level drops by more than half. And that tells me that I'm not only carrying around my problems; I'm carrying around a lot of shame for not having solved them.
It's unnecessary weight to carry. Not only that, but completely unhelpful.
...
I reached this point last fall. And I felt that freedom. But, I was still left with the initial problem. It had become clear that I couldn't solve it, which felt strangely freeing. But I had no idea how it would be solved.
In place of my shame, I started to feel curiosity.
"Well, how will this problem be solved?"
The problem without the pressure. It felt lighter, and interesting. Such a contrast to how it had felt for so long.
An hour later, I received a call that solved the issue. Not only did it solve the issue, but it solved it in a way that was significantly better than any of the options I'd tried.
How is this possible??
I have some theories. I bet you do too.
But what I'm more interested in today is that feeling of freedom.
Is there a way to live from freedom first, rather than having to exhaust all other options, and ourselves?
In a way, it's that thing I was looking for the whole time — not the solution to my problem. Yes, the problem was still there. Yes, the problem still needed to be solved. But I now realize that I was never looking for a solution to my problem; I was looking for freedom from the weight I was carrying — of having to be the problem-solver.
But, once the problem is gone, the weight goes away, right?
Wrong.
Once the problem is gone, another one comes. We've all experienced this.
It's not about the problem — it's about freedom.
Solved-problems don't bring freedom — they bring more problems to solve.
And that's not a bad thing.
Because that's what life is, isn't it? What fun would life be otherwise?
I sometimes imagine living on a beach sipping cocktails. But deep down I know I'd get bored eventually. Then what would happen? I'd create a problem to solve.
Why? Because we love games. We love to play.
A game is just a problem to solve. We seek these out, for fun.
So why do we center our lives around getting rid of our problems?
We want relief. We've learned that our growing sense of oppression is coming from our problems.
But it's not our problems that are oppressing us — it's the pressure we feel about our problems that is weighing us down.
And that is a weight we put on ourselves.
"Stop doing this to myself" is a totally different issue than "too many problems to solve," and it requires a totally different approach.
If we can shift our focus from getting rid of our problems to letting go of the weight we put on ourselves about them, I believe life can take on a new quality: from pressure to play.
Ironically, this seems to somehow unseat our initial problems, making them much easier, and more enjoyable to solve. But at that point, it doesn't really matter — we know that once this problem is solved, another will come in its place, and we'll have something new, interesting, and fun to do for another day.