Nathan Peterson

Feeling the Feelings We Don't Want to Feel

So. Many. Distractions.

One after the other. Whole networks of distraction.

Right now, as I type this, I feel drawn into them.

And that means I'm feeling drawn out of presence.

Why is it so hard to be where we are? Maybe it makes sense to start by asking what all of these distractions are offering. Before doing that, I'd have to identify some of the distractions...

A list of my distractions;

Can I zoom out more? What categories do these fall into?

Can I zoom out again? What are the primary feelings?

Interesting. I view all of these as "negative feelings."

What are the general distraction activities?

Do these help? No. That's why I classify them as "distractions."

But they serve a purpose. They are effective in their function. They distract me.

Then what's the problem?

...I want more than this.

In many ways, we are all living in "the Matrix." The world around us has been engineered to keep us engaged in distraction from what is real. And we are beginning to forget. It's getting harder and harder to remember what is real.

But here's where our reality is so much different than the movie—our real body isn't fully atrophied, connected to a bunch of tubes in some field of human pods in the real world. And we don't need to be hooked up to a special machine to come back to the real world. There are no agents holding us captive.

This may be the most sinister aspect of this whole picture: the only ones holding us captive are us.

But if that is true, we're free.

We can wake up any time. All we have to is look up.

Not just from our computers and phones—those are just an extension of the chains that are holding us down. These chains are the tools we've created to protect us against feeling feelings we don't want to feel.

I can prove it:

Picture the last time you let distraction draw you out of presence. What was the feeling that distraction was meant to protect you from? Can you take a moment right now and let yourself feel that feeling?

I know that this is way harder to do than it is to say. But if you're willing to try, you might just find a freedom you've been longing for for a very long time.

Try. You're totally safe. Allowing yourself to feel what you feel doesn't change anything. You're already feeling it. What you're really doing right now is ceasing to fight or ignore the truth.

When you give yourself the space to feel the thing your distractions promise to help you not feel, you become free.

Now, look at the distraction. What is it good for anymore? Does it have the same appeal? Does it have any appeal?

I believe that people everywhere are becoming unsatisfied with a life of distraction. I believe that the industry has reached a point where the distractions it offers have become so blatant that we are starting to see "the Matrix," and we want out.

The good news—we can step out of our distractions and into presence any time.

The bad news—the world is not going to help. In fact, it is going to actively work to trigger our worry, fear, insecurity, and shame until we come crawling back to our distractions.

More good news—when we let ourselves feel the feelings we've been trying not to feel—when we finally stop using distractions to protect ourselves from these feelings—not only does it not feel nearly as bad as we had imagined, but it often feels wonderful. Certainly much better than the pain of a life of avoidance and distraction.

I remember standing with my wife after the funeral of our daughter, holding each other and crying harder than I'd ever cried before. And while we cried I remember thinking, "wow, this feels so good." I wouldn't wish the loss of a child on anyone. But my experience was that looking forward to my daughter's death, thinking about it, worrying about it, and trying not to feel the pain of it, was a thousand times more painful than feeling it. Many people and many products were ready to help me not feel that feeling. Very few encouraged me to go ahead and feel it. But in the end, I was going to feel it. I'm glad I gave myself permission to feel it without flighting.

This isn't just a matter of principle. Our lives depend on us finding the courage and allowing the space to let ourselves feel what we feel.