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I used to picture grief as a necessary step in the process—something to be “gotten through” in order for healing to come. Now I realize that there is no separating grief from healing. Grief is the process by which we are healed. Grief is healing.


This shift is so important because it moves the pain and suffering and insanity of grief from a thing to be tolerated or “gotten through”, to a thing to be accepted and even cherished. Like in childbirth, the pain is good because it is a signal that new life is coming.


I now see grief as clarity. It is a lack of layers which we are usually comforted by. With those layers folded back, the discomfort is unbearable. But a wound can’t be healed if there is something in the way. It needs to be open in order to be healed. Grief is the feeling of being open—the necessary position for healing.



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